Update:

I am..... happy? Not sure. My work schedule is sporadic and demanding, I live in a constant state of pain for friends who are hurting and am emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted. There is still a numbness from a string of harsh rejections of sorts, yet the bright spots seem to override all of the above.

I have work, 7 days a week of work. Enough to pay my insurance bills, school loans and save for the upcoming move. Through that work I am making wonderful new friends and have a slight sense of accomplishment. Mike is an incredible addition to my life and really there is only one person I could imagine better suited for me. After everything it feels good to be spoiled and spoil someone back.

ARGH! Seriously kids, what on earth? Why can't I sustain joy for longer than a flicker in time? Why am I so ready to give myself to everyone else, but allow them to casually saunter over me as though I were a small shiny stone. Something shiny to look at for a few seconds and then toss over your shoulder and keep on your merry way?

I thought I was over the desperate urge to disappear but I now realize it's not an urge but a need. The only problem is when I run.... there's a new home to be built.... and a new home to run from.

Hello friends I should be cleaning and productive.... but I've decided not to for a mere moment.

That being said here are some of the things I've been up to:

Donovan and Gabe on the way to the parade!

We shot pistols

When this one is in town we spend some time together

So there's been other things.. mostly work BUT that's not near as exciting.... of course after this weekends wedding and next weekend's beach trip AND then the Rancid concert.... more to come. I'm tired, but really kinda just all smiles lately. What happened!

Please explain (though you aren't subscriber) why on earth you make these silly little promises and then fail to follow through....